I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
