You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
