ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
