Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
