So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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