a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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