I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize