could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
