The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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