I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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