My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
