so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
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I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
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He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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