why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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