There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
