the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
