Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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