I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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