Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
