I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
