i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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