my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize