I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
