Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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