I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
