Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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