Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Randomize
