Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
