Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
