My liver just broke up with me...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
