Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
