Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
