Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
