I think I died a long time ago.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
