She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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