okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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