we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i think my cat just said my name.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
