Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
