awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
