his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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