I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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