At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize