My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
