oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
