How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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