I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
