Duck Duck Cougar?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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