god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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