I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
