My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
