We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
How external is "for external use only"?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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