woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
