this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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