Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
