i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
