she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
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Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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