As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
