the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
