he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
