There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
