You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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