Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
