I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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