The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
