I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize