I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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