i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
