You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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