Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
