"it" just moved
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I think I just sharted jello shots
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
