ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
