in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You're a waste of cheezeits
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
