I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
