we made out on top of his cat.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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