proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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