she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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