i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
