They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
