So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
