Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
