Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
