Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
