I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
this boner is exhausting
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
