she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
