new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
