OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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