I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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