When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
