Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
