Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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