just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
