tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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