im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He? As in you personified your dick?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
