I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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