I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
