I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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